By Edebatu Emiluv:
Kisses though comes so gentle and sweet, but when it is being given to the wrong person, at the wrong time and if care is not taken, it may lead to heart break, disvirginity, lust which is sin. I was having a chat with a young girl who needed my advice on her relationship; she was asking if it was right to kiss and hug a guy, that the guy she was into relationship with was always talking about kissing, how he love kissing so much.
Now this guy wants her to pay him a visit, but her fear was that she was going to lose her virginity if she goes to visit him. From all she told me, I sensed that the guy was just looking for a way to sleep with her. Come to think of it, they don’t really know each other that much, they just met not even up to a week and this guy is already talking about kissing and visitation. For a guy to begin this way, this should tell you the kind of person he is. Kissing and sex are friends, so if he loves one, then he loves the other. If he tells you he loves kissing, he is indirectly telling you he will love to kiss you when the opportunity comes. And if he succeeds in kissing you, then he is likely to succeed in having sex with you.
Girls, always learn to judge guys from their words, most of the times they talk to you, they speak their real minds to you unknowingly, this is the reason why you should pay attention each time they are talking to you. Look them straight in the eyes to get out the real truth from them. When you do this, they won’t be confident enough to deceive you unless his conscience is dead. Ask them lots of questions, this is how you know more about them. Don’t just leave them to do the whole talking, put him into discussion, know why he wants to date you, know why he thinks you are the right match for him. By doing all these, you can simply tell who is speaking straight from the heart, who is actually in love with you.
You shouldn’t conclude a guy is a nice guy when he hasn’t proven himself to be nice. A guy is not nice if you are the only person he is nice to. Yes he buys you airtime, he calls you always, sends money to you at all times…, have you taken your time to see if he does this to his siblings, parents and close friends? Have you taken your time to find out what he does when you are not around?
Guys, don’t conclude she is a Christian just because you see her sing in church all the time. Have you taken your time to find out how often she reads her bible and prays? Have you gone to find out what she does when it is not church hours? Many claim to be a Christian but they are worst than people of the world.
I have lot of friends then in school who were choristers but were worst than unbelievers. They sleep with their fellow choir members, they date each other, and yet every Sunday, they come up stage to sing for God. People are not actually what they claim to be, most of the things guys do for girls are for a reason, they give you money to get sex, they fake love to get sex, they do this and that to get sex. I’m a guy so I know what they are capable of doing. I walked into a friend’s room then in my hostel and met this guy on his knees crying with tears running down his face. What was the matter? He was just trying to convince the girl he was kneeling in front of that he genuinely loves her. It wasn’t up to two weeks after he got what he wanted, he dumped the girl for another.
So you see, guys can do anything just to get into your pants. He may tell you that visiting him will just prove that you love him; he may tell you that nothing will go wrong if you sleep over, “I’m a gentle guy, I have been abstaining, besides I’m a Christian, so why should I do all of that”? All these words are just to deceive you, trust me when you get yourself in that room, the story changes, you will begin to hear things like “we are humans so we need to do this to promote our love. We are matured enough to do whatever thing we want, after all, we are in love. Let’s forget what people are saying, everybody is doing it, including single pastors, so why should our own case be different? C’mon babe, just a little kiss, kisses are harmless, let’s try it, I promise not to go beyond that.”
You both began kissing, hoping he will stop when he is satisfied, but how can he be satisfied when he hasn’t gotten to the peak of the pleasure which is only gotten from sex? Can you quench fire with fuel? In most cases, nobody would want it to stop, including the girl. Even if the girl wants the guy to stop, the guy will not want to. Trust guys, this will even be the time he will start touching your breast and others. So tell me, how can you stop a guy you have already shared your lips with from not touching your breast? How can you stop him from not undressing you? How can you stop him from not having sex with you when you are already half naked?
This is why I can never agree that kissing should be allowed in a relationship. No matter how strong you are, even if you have been managing to stop at a certain point, trust me on this, one day you won’t be so lucky to stop at that point, you will be tempted to go beyond that point and the next thing will be regrets. If you must protect your love, if you must avoid pre-marital sex, introducing the “No kissing” rule is the best thing to do.
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