You know it is a double jeopardy when you prophetically propose to a lady. A “Thus saith the Lord” marriage proposal is a double jeopardy if I am going to put it to you directly and explicitly. I as a person do not subscribe to it now neither will I later in life because to me it’s sorcery, it’s manipulation to the unsuspectingly naïve recipient of the proposal.
Now, this dude who proposed to you, is he a prophet? Did he speak like Elijah, like a prophet sent by God? I have a reservation to this kinds of proposal as it bears so many challenges with it…If you say “No” to this prophetic marriage proposal, isn’t that disobedience to God? And if you say “Yes”, won’t that be your passport to unhappiness, depression and failing health? (You don’t love the man, you hardly know him…). You’re thus stuck on the horns of dilemma. A prophetic proposal leaves you with no option. It simply says “It’s either you marry me or you disobey God” It’s a dilemmatic predicament capable of sending one into the abyss of mental and nervous breakdown. “No” obviously displeases God and “Yes” carries with it a huge risk of loveless marriage. And the prospect creates fear – fear of God’s choice, fear of disobeying God, fear of unhappiness, fear of ultimately ending your journey where you dread most “hell” but God’s word says there’s no fear in love: perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18).
How do we reconcile this proposal with scriptures? My question is “why should a marriage proposal generate dread, fear and feelings of condemnation”? That obviously isn’t God’s idea of marriage/relationship otherwise He would’ve contradicted Himself.
Here’s another common challenge with prophetic proposals: you often find out that dating and courtship begin AFTER marriage acceptance, more like putting the cart before horse. It’s never advisable to agree to marry someone you hardly know. If you decide to marry someone you hardly know, whichever way it swings you’re in for big surprises, I cannot guarantee if it’s going to be a pleasant one or not! And because it worked for some doesn’t rule out the principle of common sense. What of those it didn’t work for? People often equate longevity of marriage as a proof of good marriage. How about happiness? Longevity is no proof of good marriage my friend; it might be forbearance of long-lasting pain. Never you confuse length with quality.
Another problem about prophetic proposals that rapidly extinguishes the fire of love in a marriage/relationship is that you have to be ready to invalidate your natural preferences. So, if you are into slim, tall and dark dudes naturally you must be prepared for the possibility of a short, pudgy and yellow-pawpaw guy. Some say if you truly love God then you must trust him about incongruent marital choices, that it is for your own good (well I do not know about that because God would not invalidate your power of choice). The justification for this kind of “leading” is an omnibus clause that God knows what’s best for us. He does truly, but do not forget that He has given us freewill, personal desires and preferences. Marriage is a VERY personal business. What later transpired in the garden of Eden when Adam blamed his fall to the wife (Eve) God gave him shows that you can’t hang it on God. You’re responsible for the outcome of your marriage.
Should I then be held responsible when God forces a marital partner on me? Aren’t we treading the waters of absurdity! I have not seen one instance of this prophetic marriage proposal in the bible, I simply couldn’t find any (would be glad if you can bring me up to speed on this though), not one example in the New Testament. Our Lord didn’t legislate it, neither did the apostles so where on planet earth did we get our own manipulative idea of prophetic proposals from?.
I know you might want to cite the case of prophet Hosea to substantiate your claim but this is a far contextually removed analogy with no bearing whatsoever on such proposals. God had told the prophet, “Find a whore and marry her. Make this whore the mother of your children.” (Hosea 1:1-5). And God told us why: “This whole country (Israel) has become a whorehouse, unfaithful to me, God.” It was highly symbolic. Even at that the prophet still had a choice of whore to pick. He picked Gomer, God didn’t specify whore (Gomer) to him. And did you notice “Thus saith the Lord” come from the prophet’s mouth to Gomer? NOPE because there was none. Imagine saying “Thus saith the Lord” to a prostitute (I can only imagine her disgust). And anyways, you’re no whore or are you? If these people are so infatuated with the Hosea case study they should go marry a whore.
And one funny thing is that you find the preponderance of these prophetic proposals are often directed at pretty girls, isn’t that hilarious? That shows the hypocrisy of their hearts. If truly “Thus saith the Lord” then He should’ve directed their steps towards the paths of so-called “ugly” girls. Hosea’s case study is one of a kind. There is no other such case study in the entire Bible. It’s prophetic dramatization. In the 4,000 years of Adamic history recorded in the Bible, there’s not one example of “Thus saith the Lord” marriage proposal.
Am I saying the Spirit of God can’t LEAD you on whom to marry? Of course he can, as he does in EVERY circumstance. But God works in you by natural means. He creates natural desire in you: “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” (Philippians 2.13). You will naturally fall in love, become fond of someone… That’s how God works. It’s not artificial. God is not against love!
Another problem with prophetic proposal is the subject of ‘prophetic proof’. Who judges the prophecy? If the test of prophecy is fulfillment then the whole thing becomes a self-fulfillment system requiring your Yes as proof! Strange isn’t it. And surely such proposals create enormous pressure.
I know what I’m saying surely challenges certain beliefs and conventions, but we shouldn’t be afraid of telling the truth neither should we be afraid of challenging status quo. We think keeping the truth from people will prevent them from immorality, yet Jesus advocates truth as knowledge. He must know what he’s talking about don’t you think. You shall know the truth and the truth will set you free, He said.
Really, what’s wrong with just being honest and telling a lady you’re attracted to her? Must it be attired in spiritualism? That’s not saying all those who proposed under such economies were not genuinely motivated. It’s a case of received teaching, or the prevailing convention in a local religious community. In other words, culture and God is accepting of marital cultures, as long as they’re not abhorrent. There’s also Christian culture.
An alternative and safer convention is to go on dates, to get to know the man who’s interested in you. I call that Direct knowledge. A simple conversation over fish, chips and juice can yield great insight. Gather enough data to make a sound judgment. This is your life we’re talking about not mine or theirs or your pastor’s. Marriage is not a ceremony. Going on a date is NOT commitment. No one can force you to the altar. You’re not under compulsion. Of course you pray and ask God to guide you, as you should in all things.
And please be careful about hearing voices. God gave you a brain, and common sense. And He also gave you lips to pray and a heart to perceive. Put them all to proper use.
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