Physical Attraction in Relationships

WARNING: SOME EXPLICIT CONTENT

Let me talk to the brothers today, you see, physical attraction does matter in a relationship. Life is not generic, it is specific… we all have our tastes, what I want or desire in a lady may not necessarily be what you desire for a marriage partner and you don’t need to over-spiritualise relationship. Some people are overly spiritual that they’ll spiritualise even biscuit or sachet water. Attraction matters! It is dangerous to marry someone you’re not attracted to, I’d say you’re setting up your relationship on a ticking time-bomb; you’ll set yourself up for sexual frustration.

indexDating back to bible days, attraction was the problem in the love triangle starring Jacob, Leah and Rachel and you could see the costs! Jacob wasn’t attracted to Leah one bit but he was hoodwinked into marrying her against his desire, his real heart desire was Rachel. Attraction affects loving and it got so bad even God (Arugbo-ojo Himself) had to acknowledge that Leah was unloved. A MAN’S LOVE IS INFLUENCED BY THE ATTRACTIVENESS OF HIS WIFE (you can ask any honest married man). You are at the risk of not loving your wife, subjecting her to il-treatment if you’re not attracted to her. The complications that show up in Jacob’s family history are the direct result of the lack of affection for Leah.

Lack of affection creates major problems in marriages and your attractiveness to your wife will often determine the state of sexual congress between both of you. You can’t be in a marriage and have no physical tang for your wife, Naaah! You will create major problems for yourself and your wife and the poor lady won’t understand why you don’t want her…And just how are you going to tell her you don’t want her no more without risking being the cruelest person on earth!

Usually, problems of physical attractiveness are veiled by early arrival of babies. The wife devotes much attention to the babies and hardly notices the lack of physical interest in her by her husband but it’ll be just a matter of time before he begins to give her the Leah treatment. Women intuitively know when a man doesn’t love them and I know you don’t want a dutiful marriage, you want a marriage full of love and affection, you want romance (well I do, lots of it too). Isaac was obviously the romantic type and I guess that’s where Jacob got all the lovey-dovey attributes from – he was used to open display of affection,  his mum was quite a beauty and she was romantic as well. Biblical record has it that Isaac was “sporting” with his wife. “Sporting” is a 17th century expression for fondling so it just means Isaac was fondling his wife. So there’s all that fondling and kissing that goes on in the context of marriage between husband and wife and if you’re not physically attracted to your wife you’ll definitely miss out on it. Common sense of course dictates that attractiveness should not be the sole basis of your marital choice. There’s intellect, character, temperament, honesty etc, but the physical also matters! Make-sure-your-relationship-is-built-on-more-than-just-physical-attraction-because-sooner-or-later-beauty-fades

The caveat is this, what is attractive to one man may not be attractive to another. Cultural, environmental and religious exposures influence taste, but culturally for some men the mammary glands (breasts) are an irresistible force of attraction while for others it’s the derriere, yet for some men it’s the face that matters and for others it may just be the legs (straight and hot!). For some men it’s the hair, and for some others it has to be the neck, especially slenderised long necks. Some men prefer babes with chocolate tone; others prefer light babes, while charcoal complexion would do the trick for some. Some men are into body fat and some like slim women and others are just in-betweeners. Somewhere in this polychromatic and appurtenant variegatedness lay combinant features suitable to every man but the breast is a major unifier of brethren (laughs), it’s the commonest reference for men. Hear some advice from the king of 700 wives and 300 concubines – Solomon: “Rejoice in the wife of your youth… Let her breasts satisfy you always.” Then he goes further, “May you always be captivated by her love.” So you can see that physical attraction can hold a man.

He warns you however not to spill your seeds (semen) on the streets, “having sex with just anyone” And not to “fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman.” (Solomon’s words not mine) so according to Solomon therefore, a woman’s breasts and physical features captivate and attract men.

If you marry someone you’re not attracted to, you’ll set yourself up for sexual pressure. One of the words translated love in the Bible is “eros. Yep, you got it. It’s from that word we got the word, “erotic”. There are four ancient words for love – agape, philia, storge, eros. Agape is translated unconditional love or fundamental love. Philia is friendship. Philadelphia was named after it; it literally means “brotherly love”. Storge is the natural love of a parent for his or her child. It’s familial love. Then there’s eros. It’s sexual love. You should be sexually attracted to the woman you want to marry. I’m not saying you should be all over your babe but what I’m saying is that sexual attraction is a qualitative factor of a healthy relationship.

Spirituality of course does not negate physical attraction; couples who ignore it are still going to pay for it in endless hours of fasting and prayers. That is why negligees and other sexy designs are intended to stimulate erotic love in a marriage, you should buy them for your wife! Sensual music also plays a part in stimulating romance in a marriage, and Solomon wrote a few I am sure you know that, and you can’t employ praise-worship songs for romance! They just wouldn’t fit.

Allow me share some of the phrases from Solomon’s lyrics with you: “Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine…” So you can see that kissing is romantic. “How fragrant your cologne; O most beautiful woman…” So cologne is cool and toasting is allowed. “I am weak with love… Your lips are like scarlet ribbon, your mouth so inviting.” So lipstick is a seducing factor-Sensual. “Your cheeks are like rosy pomegranates…” So it’s okay to use rouge to accentuate the face. “Your breasts are like the two fawns, twin fawns of a gazelle…” Again, we see the breasts at play as sensual influencers for men. If physical attractiveness is not important, or unholy, why would God put all these stuff in the Bible?

So brothers, marry the woman you consider beautiful and whom you’re attracted to, don’t ignore the physical. I haven’t seen any spiritual standard for physical beauty. We’re all influenced by our backgrounds and exposure and God has made it so easy that there are always beautiful choices for each of us.

And lastly don’t allow anyone choose a wife for you, they’ll only be choosing THEIR taste in women, they can’t know your secret taste because your taste is specific to only you…all the best…

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About Bamigboye Olayemi

Whatever you do or wherever you find yourself, try to make a difference, try to live a purposeful life by helping others in your own little way because that is all we should all aspire to do in this chaotic world that we find ourselves...we are here for all of us.
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