Let Them Talk!

I think people worry too much about what others say about them in any given situation. It sort of paralyses, immobilizes and reduces the energy commitment to your vision if you allow it a moment’s space in your mind; and this leads to you second guessing and third guessing yourself which could lead you to being indecisive on any scheme.

The reason for your worry is simply because you don’t yet understand the technicalities of public opinion, or how the world operates. Opinions are not necessarily processed reflections; they’re just exclusive expressions of individuals. Opinion is a fundamental human right franchise; everybody has an opinion, including a 7 year old kid. Everybody will and must have an opinion. And oftentimes if not 99% of the time, opinions are merely expressions of prejudice, and hidden and not so hidden agenda.

Taking a critical look at it, the man who expresses an opinion seeks to exercise indirect influence over the lives of others. He’s trying to influence others to have biases and views about a person in order to create social pressure. He seeks to shape lives, determine courses and associations…shape outcomes. It’s an indirect kind of governmental control. If you don’t realize this you’ll be unsuspectingly teleguided via a carefully schemed regulator mechanism…but if you’re ever going to realize your vision of being great in life you must learn to exercise pachydermatous indifference to people’s opinion. That’s not saying you shouldn’t listen to anybody, just try to figure out motivations, biases and agenda…simple!

Not every good advice is rightly motivated and certainly not every offer of help comes from a clean heart…just apply discretion and be wise. There are some opinions you shouldn’t even pay attention to because the structure of life is such that attempts to climb the ladder out of obscurity into limelight are attended by ill wishes of the pessimist or cynical. Everything is okay to them as long as you don’t exhibit ambition but once you express aspiration/hope/desire the tentacles of hatred/hostility protrude. Come to think of it, these people whose opinions matter so much to you, who you so worry about, in reality what can they do to you? Were you consulted when they made decisions concerning their own affairs? My point exactly! So why worry yourself to death, subjecting yourself to the manipulative effect of the opinion and prejudices of others?worrry 4

Who you marry is your decision; has to be your decision, yours and yours only. If you’re going to be the rightful head of your household then you must take responsibility for its creation from start, don’t allow them create it for you. Your submission in allowing others to choose a wife for you does not eliminate your responsibility, that you subject your matrimonial choice to cultural forces won’t absolve you of responsibility for the outcome. You will surely live with the consequence of your choice whether good or bad. If your choice is good, you’ll enjoy a blissful marriage; but if you make a bad choice…well…God is your muscle. Do not allow people make choices for you, they don’t necessarily know what is good for you, can’t know what your heart really desires or what you need.

That the woman you love is from a broken home, a divorcee or a single mother should ordinarily not be an issue, unless you allow it develop into one, it’s all cultural really. You’re just dealing with cultural prejudices that are sometimes hypocritical and silly if not ridiculous. It’s your choice and it’s your decision. I’d like to believe that you know who’s good for you…If this lady is as wonderful as you describe her to be then what is the meaning of “the only coma is the fact she’s from a broken home”? Which coma if I might ask? Who’s composing these sentences in your head anyway? The world certainly is not short of punctuation marks when it comes to blocking happiness in the sentence of life. If you find love, joy and peace why would you throw it away on account of cultural bias? Or are you trying to please them?! You can’t please the world my friend. Life is too complex for these imaginary considerations. If you know a single mother, divorcee or widow will give you happiness don’t throw the opportunity away because of mere babble.

worry 2You don’t know the world! See, some of those babbling have bitter marital experiences, they’re channeling their angst. They don’t want you to have happiness too, they want you to join the fellowship of the unhappy, and they prefer you to be miserable as they are.  Now, making your relationship work is another thing entirely, I’m sure you know too well that good choice is not enough, though a part of the process of having a fulfilling marriage.

In a nutshell all I have been trying to say since is that DON’T ALLOW CULTURAL TECHNICALITIES ROB YOU OF HAPPINESS; you may live in regret the rest of your life. Whether you marry a biological virgin, or a technical virgin, divorcee, widow, single mother or double mother let the choice be yours not someone else’s. You know what you want, you know what you like, so take responsibility and let them talk!

The general principle is that a man must take responsibility over his life and choices. You can’t turn around tomorrow and blame God for your choice of wife! Adam tried it but didn’t work. Remember “the woman whom thou (God) gavest me” ploy? It didn’t work! God held him accountable. Of course you can approach your pastor for counsel; he’s infused with capacities of grace…but you can’t reject responsibility for your choice of marriage partner…So my advice to you is very simple “live your life and let them talk”!

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About Bamigboye Olayemi

Whatever you do or wherever you find yourself, try to make a difference, try to live a purposeful life by helping others in your own little way because that is all we should all aspire to do in this chaotic world that we find ourselves...we are here for all of us.
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