May you meet a wonderful partner!

I do not think continually chasing her is a good idea if you ask me, I mean you’ve been at it for how long now, almost a year and some months? And you still haven’t achieved your aim.The time elapsed does not qualify for playing hard to get and I’m not sure you’re what she wants otherwise you would have seen some green light even if it’s only a ray. She’s not even making it possible for you to bring up the subject of proposal; she’s stylishly dodging the issue. Rejection is not very easy I know (most men can relate). It can’t be easy taking a javelin or 9inch nails in the heart. But it’s a rite of passage and it’s the lot of many men in life, though some people are target practice. Some men are of course lucky; they have women running after them, but the average Joe, Dele or Lekan is not that lucky, he gets punctured with one or two rounds of nails before getting lucky, and some men don’t even get 9inch nails; they get stiletto heels! In fact, the prettier the woman the sharper the stiletto tends to be (Ouch!).

There are many reasons for rejection of course. For one there’s the societal convention that a woman must play hard to get (a form of mechanism to filter off the unwanted) though to be fair, some young men over-reach themselves, going for what they can’t afford. Then there are women with quite an expensive taste and if you don’t have the means, better take a diversion. You’ve got to have money to date a woman with high taste or her taste will kill your self-esteem. Remember the popular Solomon’s statement I often quote? That kindness makes a man attractive? Well, it’s how the rich but physically unappealing guy gets to get the beautiful girl. He splurges money; this guy buys gifts, sponsors travels, showers jewellery, clothes and stilettos. He essentially finances her lifestyle. Of course money is not a guarantee of matrimonial bliss, but money is a very attractive quality my bro. That’s why you need to be successful; you increase your mating chances, your stock rises and you have the luxury of choosing whomsoever thou desireth (don’t mind my KJV english).

Of course there are levels of success depending on how visionary the lady is. Some women recognize potential in a young man and project forward. Based on that forecast they commit to a relationship though the young man is still upcoming/struggling. And sometimes it’s just love and the woman commits based on love, love exercises faith in the future. Of course some believe in practical love, as in show me the money/dough, don’t condemn them, it’s their choice. Some women can’t see potential however or don’t want to see, they’d rather deal with what they can see now (the tangibles). Again, you can’t blame such people however things eventually turn out. They made their choice, and it’s their right.

Well, since you don’t have a million bucks yet, it means you have to go for a woman who doesn’t mind a hundred/thousand bucks. It’s fair if the woman is concerned about your potential: What does your life portend, where are you going? (it is very important you have answers to this questions before approaching any woman, it saves you the embarrassment of looking irresponsible and directionless). If you’re an upwardly mobile young man, your potential is of course obvious, then you’re already on your way. Early achievement is an indicator of potential though no guarantee of attainment (always keep this in mind). And don’t blame a babe who wants a guy with a good ride, it’s her choice. You get a good ride and you stand a chance.

What I’m saying in essence is this, you don’t need to develop a misogynistic viewpoint because you’re finding it hard to date a babe, you’re probably toasting the wrong girl if it’s taking this much time; or she’s not convinced; or waiting for someone else. Every girl has a vision of the KIND/TYPE of man she’ll like. Perhaps she does not see you fitting that bill, now or in the future. But don’t let rejection kill your confidence; you’ve got to learn to shrug your shoulders and just move on (a typical guy should learn this hard truth, it’s the men’s cross). That’s life for the boys! It helps you shrug things off (even in other areas of your life). But you will definitely meet the girl for you (don’t ask me what I’ve seen, I’m not a seer), and sometimes you’ve met her but you’re just not paying attention. Oftentimes the girl may be right under your nose, or adjacent to you. She may be your church buddy or library partner or gist-mate or your so-called school daughter and she may even be reading this post with you (Yup!). Two people may be so close and someone may not be paying attention and missing all the cues (hmm!). In stretching out the neck to go after what is out of reach, guys sometimes miss the girl within reach; and the girl within reach might have been waiting; praying God opens your eyes to what is in front of you (Guys shine your eyes and look inwards). There’s no better allegory of going to Sokoto (a far location/state) when what you are after is in your sokoto (pocket). In our pursuit of the impossibilities out of reach we tend to ignore the possibilities within reach (such is life you’d say). Sometimes it’s after we’ve gone round everyone and collected all the stiletto heels and 9inch nails that it occurs to us to look right beside us.

Also, don’t make yourself the butt of jokes; don’t toast your toastee’s close friend; they’ve already discussed you. Even if you succeed, THEIR own relationship may not survive your toast and it’s worse if it’s two sisters (don’t even go there). You can’t move from sister to sister, many families will regard you as unserious. I see this quite often and I personally think it is gross irresponsibility from the guy. You have to reconcile yourself to the fact that in life, sometimes what we want doesn’t want us in return. This girl may just see you as a very good friend and nothing more than that, extending the jurisdiction of your heart into matrimonial territory might have put a strain on your relationship and it usually does, not every time though but most times

I do agree that sometimes in life things are not quite clear-cut, and one thing segues into another. There have been several cases of women who said yes over a long period of saying no, and suddenly, they acquiesced. The reason for the acquiescence is another reason entirely though, perhaps the desired/anointed/favored male disappointed. Emotion is an incredibly convoluted matter (with many hoops and loops) and when interwoven with human history, it produces complex characters. The most important thing is that you get someone you want and who wants you; you obviously do not want someone managing you, or who sees you as interim measure. Seek for someone who cares about you, who you can trust and can give your life to.

Marriage is a powerful institution and it’s important you get it right from the outset. And always think long term…Will you be happy with this person in the long term? That’s an important question. The heart matters in a marriage equation…Go after a good-hearted person, a kind, giving and loving person. If you get the basics right, you’re home free. The rest are proprietary, icing on the cake.

May you meet a wonderful partner!

…and this is my special birthday gift/advice to you, I hope you take it…Happy birthday to me and every other celebrants out there!


About Bamigboye Olayemi

Whatever you do or wherever you find yourself, try to make a difference, try to live a purposeful life by helping others in your own little way because that is all we should all aspire to do in this chaotic world that we find ourselves...we are here for all of us.
This entry was posted in Relationship, Romance and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to May you meet a wonderful partner!

  1. Adewumi says:

    Can a write-up be scintillating? If that’s true,then this is one!
    I’ve got this question though; going back to paragraph 7 yea I think d sentence before the last one in that paragraph” The most important thing…”if getting someone you want and who wants you is very important, in fact most according to the writer, what then should we do in a world where we can’t possibly know everything going on in the mind of other my culture,a lady is not allowed to ‘want’ if you wouldn’t mind my long writing, a lady wants a guy cos she believes there is something about them…………but she is also scared to ‘want’ cos she doesn’t know if or believes he ‘want’..
    1. what could be a solution to that?
    2. If love(want) is important in a relationship, will you advise a man who patiently wait for a lady he loves but not convinced abt d lady loving him to wait..upon the Lord?smiles..
    3. Is there a possibility of having heavenly-made couple (like d world wld say) who wouldn’t ‘want’ each other in the real sense?

    Liked by 2 people

    • Anonymous says:

      Thank you for the comment Adewumi…
      To answer the first question, I believe the world has gone past the age of waiting for a guy to make the first move, we’re in the “shoot your shot” age. There’s absolutely nothing wrong in a lady giving genuine green lights in that situation (notice that I said genuine because some ladies do not know what they want. The simply flash green light and when the poor guy is about locking to the signal they pull the plug). So when you send the greenlight, make sure he gets the message because most guys are deficient in accurately decoding a green light – encrypted messages. If after signaling all the green light possible he still didn’t bite the hook then you can focus your attention elsewhere. That’s essentially what guys do when they like a lady, they trafficate towards her parking space to see if it’s taken or not. If they receive a warm welcome then they’ll park but if they encounter a Brickhill, they move to the next available parking space… Life is so simple.

      Second question… If He has tried all he could to win a girl’s heart and all his attempts are being rebuffed, why waste precious time… He should move forward just like the Israelites, there are many wonderful choices out there.
      Third question… I want to believe everyone has got his/her power of choices, freewill. So yes “heavenly made couples” might be “earthly incompatible”. We are shaped by many things, environment, education, exposure, religion etc so yes they may find themselves incompatible due to various reasons that they have been exposed too.

      I hope I have been able to answer your questions ma’am… Thanks for stopping by.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. dnddyon says:

    5th paragraph is good. I agree.

    However, No human has it ‘easy’… men and women all face rejection at different points in their life, no matter how pretty they look.

    What I’d add is that one has to figure out what s/he wants, and if it’s not working, then one should ‘waka’ to the next good thing… there is almost always a next good thing…



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