Words! 

We all have heard it spoken of on numerous occasions about how our words define who we are and I particularly believe that one of the most precious gifts given humanity by God apart from the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ is the natural gift of words; our abilities to express ourselves in words. It is one of the extraordinary gifts of God to us. It is the time when we get to know the real you, when your inner personality is brought to the fore; little wonder the Bible says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Matt 12:34).

Your words are very important, they mean everything but unfortunately not many persons have realized this and it is one of the reasons some people live ordinary lives-average lives at best here on earth. An average Nigerian commercial driver is a very good example, he revels in derogatory, demeaning and non-edifying words and you can be sure this is what the devil wants, he jumps at such opportunity to wreck unimaginable havoc through spoken words with reckless abandon because that is what he knows how to do best: to kill, to steal and to destroy… No wonder some (not all) of them live a very confused life. 

Everything that was given to man by God is activated through words, remember the story of creation in the book of Genesis, recall that the Bible said of God in chapter 1:3 that “and God said…” (KJV and Amplified) while the Message translation puts it as “God spoke… ” this would later be reaffirmed in the book of Romans 4:17b where it says “even God, who makes alive the dead, and calls those things which be not as though they were…so since time immemorial, words have been operational whether we’re aware of it or not. Your salvation was based on words: you received salvation by words  and you maintain it by words (Romans 10:9-10).

Your success, failure, prosperity, sickness, health, poverty, defeat or victory all depend on your words; everything you need to fulfil your purpose in this life has been packaged and given unto you through the power of your words, He gave you the ability to speak, to use your mouth to chart the course of your life- it now depends on whether you chart the course aright or amiss. Your mouth wasn’t given primarily for eating, drinking and gossips, it has been given to steer your life in God’s direction for you – so learn to talk right, make it a conscious effort to speak positive, edifying words into your life and the lives of others. 

Talking right simply means talking the Word only and alone, it means valuing what you say and learning to keep promises, your words must ooze out integrity, they must mean something to you. The Bible in 1 Peter 2:9 reminded us of our goodly heritage in Christ as a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation and a peculiar people simply put a people set over nations and kingdoms to pull down strongholds and build foundations (Jeremiah 1:10); a people of unrivaled authority and power whose words should always carry power (Eccl 8:4)…but unfortunately many of us have watered down the authority in our mouths that our words are just windbags, no power whatsoever. This shouldn’t be the case because as a God-ordained king your words must carry such power that it sends chills down the spines of the devil and his cohorts, he should be so terrified whenever you open your mouth even if only it’s just to eat a roll of sausage; you must be like your heavenly Father who watches over His words to perform it (Jere 1:12).

For you there should be no idle, inoperative words because you shall be held accountable on judgement day (Matt 12:36), never get into that habit of speaking loose and careless statements for they’ll produce results for you. 

Let me encourage you to be serious about letting the world see Jesus in you through your character which is often expressed through your words. Therefore speak wholesome, gracious words seasoned with salt everytime and everywhere. Consciously store God’s words in the reservoir of your heart for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks and as the word dwells richly in your heart, you will develop and speak right, gracious and faith-filled words which will bring a positive result into your life… Have yourself a victorious new year ahead

Thrive… 

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My friend is behaving strange

Proximity breeds thoughts about the possibility of a relationship. If you’re very close to someone the thought will cross your mind at one point or the other. You view your relationship with your lady friend as pure because there’s no “ulterior motive”. But the woman is asking herself: If we get along this much and you feel this comfortable around me, why isn’t I The One? She’s in a “reverse friends’ zone”.
It’s the vision of a prize that is nurtured but taken away by someone else. That she’s helping you plan your wedding to another woman doesn’t mean she doesn’t want you! She HAS to help you plan your wedding. That’s what’s expected of her. She’s supposed to be happy for you. She can’t back down without looking bad. Her amity benevolence can’t be curtailed. But in private all sorts of emotions will collide in her. She’ll even compare herself with your bride statistically. She may feel rejected, feel used, become sad and angry. She’ll worry about what others will be thinking. And that’s one of the reasons she’ll get very involved in the wedding plan. She doesn’t want to come off as disappointed. She may be jealous of your bride, wondering what she has SHE doesn’t have. And she’s known you longer!
Of course she’ll never admit any of these to anyone, not even to herself. It’s called denial.
She’ll then go extremely out of her way to plan the nuptials. She’s compensating, flushing out disappointment by exertion. If you take time to look back on some of her actions and statements you’ll realise she’s always wanted you. Look back. She might have snapped at you on one or two occasions for taking out other ladies. And that physical comfort – how she’s so free with you may indeed be an expression of interest. She might have asked you to help with a zipper or two, a necklace or hand chain – you know, clasps. A zipper helping is a fellowship of intimacy. The clasp request is an “innocent” expression of romantic desire. You think she can’t clasp her neck chain herself? How did she manage in your absence? She’s been telling you something but you failed to decode. You’re clueless aren’t you!
In fairness those statements might have been drowned in express denials of any interest in
you. That’s why you can’t understand her “strange behaviour” after you chose your. bride.
She may cut off from you or even show hostility to your bride after you get married. Happens! It’s a natural reaction after a long and drawn out drama of disappointment. She can’t even understand herself. Things are never going to be the same again. Nature demands that. Your bride will not allow. She dropped you many hints on her connubial availability but you failed to pick up the clues. And you failed to pick up the signals because what she was saying was contradictory to what she desired. Her acts said I want you, her mouth said I want you not. This you read as sisterly friendship. And you misread her protectiveness; and those moments she spoke on your behalf, choosing purchase items for you.
The lesson to learn from this is that women communicate desire in penumbra. And that’s
also because sociological convention dictates against the express communication of desire for a man. Communication is thus carried out through coyness, niceness, availability, physical freedom, generous presents, etc. Without a high degree of relationship probability, explicit communication of desire will not come. She may even tell those who dare insinuate a romantic liaison, “Oh, we’re just friends!” She says these contradictory stuffs to protect her PR – so it doesn’t seem she went after you.
But your friend wanted the right of first refusal. It’s a very complicated code, a sophistry even experienced men struggle with. And so the man says, “Nah! She’s my sister!” when his friends rib him about his unusually close female friend. Men aren’t wired to deal with communication sophistry. Unfortunately women don’t know men aren’t wired to deal with communication sophistry. It’s why the guy is more likely to go for the woman who likes him and let’s him know she likes him. One who doesn’t say contradictory stuff, is not worried about others knowing she likes him and makes herself available.
Men are simplistic in their emotion decoding capabilities. If they’re not players they get
confused with games. They understand coyness. That’s simple enough. They even understand invitational “rejection”. But once the plot becomes too thick or too convoluted the signal gets lost. They lose comprehension. Signals become too complicated to decode when there’s too much calculatedness. “I want him but I don’t want anyone or even him to think I actually want him” is convoluted PR calculatedness.
Some women extremely go out of their way to masquerade their desire. So much so the man
they want is clueless! This is made possible because the woman is conversing in three layers in her head, all at once: She’s expressing her desire to herself. She’s enacting scenarios with the object of her desire. She’s blocking off society. The third requires a lot of pretentiousness. The first two requires a lot of imagination. I do hope this helps explain your lady friend’s “strange behaviour”.
Tell your friends to take another look at their close female friends. To take time to read
signals. Just a few questions: Is she possessive of you? Does she get annoyed when you take
someone else out? Does she drop marriage hints? Do her marriage plans eerily fit into your
circumstances or what she thinks you’ll want? Does she sometimes compare herself to your girlfriend? Does she imagine herself in your scenarios? Is she worried you’re moving too fast with a new relationship? Did your last girlfriend feel she was in a contest with her? Does she make purchase decisions on your behalf with authoritative quotes of your preferences? If it’s a yes to many of these questions you may have a lurking affection sitting down somewhere.
If you see the signs and you’re interested you may want to consider strategic lateral
maneuvers. If you’re not interested then be sure to know what you’re doing!
As for you, I wish you the best with your forthcoming nuptials.

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Respect! 

Go for a guy who respects you, not the one who trifles with your emotions

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Clash of Titans

Most problems in marriages often stem from a clash of Systems – a catastrophic head on collision of three major systems and since each system has its own philosophy it means three philosophies might clash in any given union if adequate care is not taken.

There’s the secular humanism, there’s traditional African culture, as well as Judeo-Christian belief system. Each of these is a complete system, none needing succour from the other with each having its own philosophy, values and adjudicatory system…different outflows you might say. Regrettably they are operationally conflicting, their marital philosophies don’t agree, they are like Cartoon Network’s Tom and Jerry.

Secular humanism for instance rejects religious dogma as the basis of morality and decision making in marriage and so when couples operate a farrago of marital philosophies there’s bound to be misunderstanding and squabble… and this is what reinforces the confusion; because both you and your husband are Christians, you got married in church, it follows therefore that the Bible is the legal norm – the fundamental regulatory authority in your marriage. But you had to go through a traditional marriage ceremony to satisfy the autochthonous diktats of your tribe. You also formally got married under Common Law, you married at the court registry effectively bringing your marriage under the three systems. The average African christian elite goes through all three hoops, yet each of these marriages is actually adequate before God. We only go through each process to satisfy different requirements and generate certain outcomes not minding its after-effect (some couples become impoverished after marriage). Each of these systems is recognised by God as a marriage. Whatever a society defines as a marital process is what God accepts.

For Adam and Eve; a society of two – a mere pronouncement and behavioural agreement was sufficient. Adam simply called Eve bone of bones, flesh of flesh, it was a simple equation (symbolic declaration of binary union by Adam + Agreement from Eve = Marriage).  If in your society the paying of bride price or hunting for the eel fish is what defines marriage, God will recognise it, and if drinking two cups of boiling water or juice and frog-jumping is the ceremony of marriage in your community, God will recognise it as well. Yes, it does seem like I’m bursting a few religious bubbles about marriages but truth is truth. God recognises traditional marriages as much as he recognises Common Law weddings or church weddings.

But since convention insists you go through all three ceremonies then you have to determine which you want to operationalize, you have to determine which will regulate your marriage. Each system defines roles, responsibilities and expectations. If you don’t resolve the logic of your marriage there’ll be clashes, false expectations and disenchantments. A marriage can’t run on two contradictory systems there’ll be issues. If the wife holds on to secular humanism and the husband holds on to traditional African culture, there’s going to be conflict ditto if the man assumes Judeo-Christian marital philosophy but the woman is on a secular humanism platform. It’s a clash of titans and a house divided against itself cannot stand says the bible. There’s bound to be a contest of viewpoints.

This clash of titans often becomes apparent in a conflict situation…Which system will you adopt to resolve issues? Traditional African culture says to call the families and elders, they (families and elders) constitute the judicial system, they can review the administrative decisions of a husband (he’s just local government)…The federal might lies with the elders.  It’s a Presbyterian system – government by elders. The constitution is culture and tradition.

The Judeo-Christian belief system on the other hand employs the bible as the regulatory framework; it integrates the Pastor…I am sure you can see the clash already. The systems clash because of underlying differences in philosophies. One peculiarity of the African traditional marriage system is that the woman marries the man AND his family, she is hierarchically junior to her husband’s brothers and there’s pecking order among in-law wives and this can often lead to inconsistencies. The Judeo-Christian system in its own right says the man must leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife which in logical term dictates he must bond with his wife’s family.

In a secularist system however both partners are co-captains, none has a higher governmental position. The Judeo-Christian system on the other hand says in governmental structure the man is the head of the home while the traditional African system is a dictatorship of one (Remember Idi Amin of Uganda or General Abacha of Nigeria)… a wife can’t confront her husband in the traditional African system, that’s suicidal.

So in essence you guys (husband and wife) have to make up your minds on which system you want to follow. If you choose to operate the Judeo-Christian system according to your faith then you can’t escape Paul’s admonition in Ephesians 5:22-24 MSG: “Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.” …It is that simple and plain!

Here’s the continuation of the Paul’s adjuration though often ignored: Ephesians 5:25-28 MSG: ‘Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church – a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor – since they’re already “one” in marriage.’

If you go by this then I can’t see your marriage derailing but of course it’s wholly dependent on you two and the good thing is, Paul never married so no one can accuse him of prejudice or bias.

Marriage is a very, very powerful institution… It’s incredibly potent and all that’s required is for you make it work…Will you make it work?

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Let Them Talk!

I think people worry too much about what others say about them in any given situation. It sort of paralyses, immobilizes and reduces the energy commitment to your vision if you allow it a moment’s space in your mind; and this leads to you second guessing and third guessing yourself which could lead you to being indecisive on any scheme.

The reason for your worry is simply because you don’t yet understand the technicalities of public opinion, or how the world operates. Opinions are not necessarily processed reflections; they’re just exclusive expressions of individuals. Opinion is a fundamental human right franchise; everybody has an opinion, including a 7 year old kid. Everybody will and must have an opinion. And oftentimes if not 99% of the time, opinions are merely expressions of prejudice, and hidden and not so hidden agenda.

Taking a critical look at it, the man who expresses an opinion seeks to exercise indirect influence over the lives of others. He’s trying to influence others to have biases and views about a person in order to create social pressure. He seeks to shape lives, determine courses and associations…shape outcomes. It’s an indirect kind of governmental control. If you don’t realize this you’ll be unsuspectingly teleguided via a carefully schemed regulator mechanism…but if you’re ever going to realize your vision of being great in life you must learn to exercise pachydermatous indifference to people’s opinion. That’s not saying you shouldn’t listen to anybody, just try to figure out motivations, biases and agenda…simple!

Not every good advice is rightly motivated and certainly not every offer of help comes from a clean heart…just apply discretion and be wise. There are some opinions you shouldn’t even pay attention to because the structure of life is such that attempts to climb the ladder out of obscurity into limelight are attended by ill wishes of the pessimist or cynical. Everything is okay to them as long as you don’t exhibit ambition but once you express aspiration/hope/desire the tentacles of hatred/hostility protrude. Come to think of it, these people whose opinions matter so much to you, who you so worry about, in reality what can they do to you? Were you consulted when they made decisions concerning their own affairs? My point exactly! So why worry yourself to death, subjecting yourself to the manipulative effect of the opinion and prejudices of others?worrry 4

Who you marry is your decision; has to be your decision, yours and yours only. If you’re going to be the rightful head of your household then you must take responsibility for its creation from start, don’t allow them create it for you. Your submission in allowing others to choose a wife for you does not eliminate your responsibility, that you subject your matrimonial choice to cultural forces won’t absolve you of responsibility for the outcome. You will surely live with the consequence of your choice whether good or bad. If your choice is good, you’ll enjoy a blissful marriage; but if you make a bad choice…well…God is your muscle. Do not allow people make choices for you, they don’t necessarily know what is good for you, can’t know what your heart really desires or what you need.

That the woman you love is from a broken home, a divorcee or a single mother should ordinarily not be an issue, unless you allow it develop into one, it’s all cultural really. You’re just dealing with cultural prejudices that are sometimes hypocritical and silly if not ridiculous. It’s your choice and it’s your decision. I’d like to believe that you know who’s good for you…If this lady is as wonderful as you describe her to be then what is the meaning of “the only coma is the fact she’s from a broken home”? Which coma if I might ask? Who’s composing these sentences in your head anyway? The world certainly is not short of punctuation marks when it comes to blocking happiness in the sentence of life. If you find love, joy and peace why would you throw it away on account of cultural bias? Or are you trying to please them?! You can’t please the world my friend. Life is too complex for these imaginary considerations. If you know a single mother, divorcee or widow will give you happiness don’t throw the opportunity away because of mere babble.

worry 2You don’t know the world! See, some of those babbling have bitter marital experiences, they’re channeling their angst. They don’t want you to have happiness too, they want you to join the fellowship of the unhappy, and they prefer you to be miserable as they are.  Now, making your relationship work is another thing entirely, I’m sure you know too well that good choice is not enough, though a part of the process of having a fulfilling marriage.

In a nutshell all I have been trying to say since is that DON’T ALLOW CULTURAL TECHNICALITIES ROB YOU OF HAPPINESS; you may live in regret the rest of your life. Whether you marry a biological virgin, or a technical virgin, divorcee, widow, single mother or double mother let the choice be yours not someone else’s. You know what you want, you know what you like, so take responsibility and let them talk!

The general principle is that a man must take responsibility over his life and choices. You can’t turn around tomorrow and blame God for your choice of wife! Adam tried it but didn’t work. Remember “the woman whom thou (God) gavest me” ploy? It didn’t work! God held him accountable. Of course you can approach your pastor for counsel; he’s infused with capacities of grace…but you can’t reject responsibility for your choice of marriage partner…So my advice to you is very simple “live your life and let them talk”!

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Have faith!

Sometimes our path to the top is blocked by existing order and established protocol and too often we imagine that protocols and orders cannot be changed. And so we give up and pursue lesser visions…Never forget you’re dealing with an Almighty God who will bring His purpose to pass in your life regardless of protocol. So stop worrying about HOW God is going to accomplish what He promised you; when God promises you something, your job is to believe His word.

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God in you!

It’s not where you start from that matters in life, it’s the God you have…God can take you to any height. Your point of origin is not the determinant of your destiny, God is. Look at what God says to us in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the thoughts I think towards you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” (Jeremiah 29:11) God has a strategic plan and blueprint design for your life, that’s why He spoke about an expected end – Leke Alder

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Highly Combustible!

A man who trifles with the emotion of a lady is not worthy of being called a man rather a nincompoop would be more fitting. Emotion is a dangerous substance, it is volatile and highly combustible. Never bring a woman to the point in which she no longer cares, the point at which she’s ready to burn down the house and let all hell loose because at that point only God is sovereign enough to save your life..Therefore beware of woman’s wrath, it could consume your life…Treat’em with much respect, love and care and you’ve just found for yourself a friend for life.

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Rejoice!

When God says He has good plans towards you (Jeremiah 29:11), He truly does, just relax and don’t shorten your lifespan with worry (Philippians 4:6) because faithful is He that calls you who also will do it (1 Thessalonians 5:24)..therefore rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice (Philippians 4:4).

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Surround Sound Programming

At some point in our lives we have been victims of different encircling resonances; these sounds could be from our environments or from our emotions (minds) causing distractions of some sort, these distractions if not managed well can ultimately upset the balance of our tranquil life and as a man  or lady, distractions abound every time with every waking moment. To my dear eligible spinsters and bachelors, you are constantly a victim of surround sound technology though the manufacturer might not be DTS or Dolby! You may not have realised this yet but some guys and babes are simply sound engineers, they just know how to wangle surround sound. By surround sound your mind will probably race towards multichannel audio technologies used for both theatrical/consumer grade applications owned Dolby and DTS, Inc…and quite rightly the idea for the founding of this technology was birthed by similar experiences humans go through in their daily lives.

So what is a “surround sound” you might ask? It’s simply your environment canopied by the presence of a man or lady (lurking around you like monitoring spirits) furnishing you with incessant phone calls, constant sound of text messaging and notifications on social media platforms (BBM, twitter, Facebook, Whatsapp etc).

When you open your eyes to the breaking of the day there’s a loving text waiting for you, when you are at your table in the office there’s a monitoring spirit in form of (BBM, Twitter notification) disrupting your flow with sweet messages that can set you on an emotional roller coaster; when you go to bed at night there’s a text or deep baritone voice ushering you to sleep. He/she’s the first person you talk to in the morning (even before God) he/she’s the last person you talk to at night. He/she is everywhere you go (reminds me of MTN)! Darling, Love, Baby, Boo, Bae, Sugar, Sweetheart, Honey, Sweeriepie… it won’t be long before he/she gets you! Those words are messing up your brain with a speed similar to the speed of light, your body tickles in expectation of those phonic expressions of blandishment! “How was your night darling?” “Was the mattress comfy sweetheart?” “Have you had something to eat today honey?” “Baby where would you prefer I take you to for dinner?” (As if she told him she was hungry) “Sweety, [often pronounced “sweerie”] was the ride to the office smooth?” “Honey, do you want me to cook for you?”…and you start chortling from mouth to mouth thinking you have finally found the one (shaking my head as an African mother does when her grown up daughter fights for souvenir at her age mate’s wedding).

Kindness breeds attractiveness and this is the reason a kind heart is always seen as beautiful irrespective of what the physical appearance portrays. By the time you combine this show of care with the tonal quality of the mellifluous voice; you’re finished! Even though it is true words mean a lot to women, I’m of the opinion that it’s even truer for men; and not just the very words but tonality too. Her voice on the phone painted a wonderful “picture” of her in your imagination though you hadn’t met her. By the time you finally met her you’d been so hypnotized that the reality discrepancy didn’t mean a thing. The look is different from how they sounded on the phone (black market). The voice tone created a covering/veil around your brain processors effectively slowing it down to that of a laptop with a 256MB RAM; reality becomes skewed. She somehow strikes you as “Beautiful!” though many will remove the exclamation mark from your assessment without a thought. Love and lust create impairment of judgment and as long as you love and lust you’re prone to misrepresentation of reality, and when your gape is layered on a partial charm of a reality concocted by surround sound you won’t see the obvious.

There was once a man who never realized how beautiful his woman is, he never saw it, he couldn’t just see it and most of us are like that, sometimes in life we are just oblivious of the obvious! And occasionally who we think loves us is the creation of surround sound by an interested party. There are those who specialize in the synthetic manipulation of proximity/closeness to produce a phony realism of affection. I know of an uncle of mine who was reprogrammed by the surround sound of a lady. My uncle was an usher in the church and here comes the lady as a worshiper ready to join the church but unbeknownst to my uncle or any member of the church, this lady was actually in desperate search for a husband. They started getting familiar with each passing day and before anyone could say ‘Jack Robinson’ this lady was already pregnant. A great fight broke out as my uncle’s family tried rejecting the reality of the pregnancy though they eventually succumbed and my uncle had no choice but to marry the lady.

There are three types of perception: what we see with our own eyes; what we see with our mind; and what we desire to see. Our eyes, minds and passions see different realities. What we “see” with our mind is greatly influenced by what we hear; works with the same principle of faith. Faith comes by hearing or isn’t that what the bible says? Surround sounds creates what is termed “faith realities”.  Because faith is the evidence of things not seen you’ll tend to see what is not there. “Faith reality”.  In other words, what we hear is so much powerful it can paint a picture that overwrites what we actually see.  Faith does have a bearing on what we “see” through the prism of passions, lusts and desires

Faith is also the substance of THINGS HOPED FOR, so you’ll definitely “see” what you hope for but not reality! Our lusts and desires have the tendency of making us see what we desire in someone but not what is essentially there! If the “faith reality” generated by this person is strong enough he/ she’ll succeed in marrying you. That’s the simple fact! It’s why some marriages are baffling- and how some people end up marrying obviously manipulative partners. In simple term faith is a possibility term because everything deemed impossible is achievable through faith, Master faith. This is typical of a persistent young man in the pursuit of a girl; he’s simply trying to leverage the principle of supplication in the bible.

The principle of supplication works on the wearing down of resistance through sheer persistence (Luke 11:5-10 NLT).  And the lady goes from “NO!” to “No” to “no” to “You know…” to “May be” to “Yes!” There are so many dimensions of faith, it depends on your understanding and application of it and it works across many strata of one’s life. Faith can move mountains you know, including the mountain of objection to conjugal pursuit! However, never confuse the workings of faith articulated in scriptures with the ‘so-called’ New Age teachings. You’ve got to be careful about so called “Laws of Attraction”, that’s a dangerous territory to tread. They call them “New Thought” but they’re in fact age-old explorations of metaphysical principles- be wise. So in your dealings with that man or lady who has been the source of the surround sounds around, I’d advise you to be wise as serpent and shine your eyes very well, critically and prayerfully analyse any red flag that presents itself in the course of your interactions together, do not ignore the counsel of others as well and be deliberate about love…be led.

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